Buttoned, Baggy Shirts

For the past week I've been mostly in my PJs (like I'm going anywhere, right?), but occasionally I've been getting dressed which means a buttoned shirt, as I can't lift my arm above the level of my shoulder (to protect the healing process), and loose shirt, to cover my two hand grenade-sized plastic drains that attach to plastic tubing that exit from the underarm, slightly toward my back area.  Once the fluid reaches minimal output in a 24-hour period (can't remember if it's 1 cc or 10 cc), then the drain can be removed, which neither one has reached yet.  Maybe one will be ready for removal at this Friday's followup?

Each day I get stronger.  I have complete lateral movement of my arm, hence no problem sitting at the computer to type. 

I've been stir crazy, so it has been nice to have some visits.  Debbie L. and Kathleen L. have been by to bring me lunch, plus RS dropped by dinner tonight (it's the monthly RS meeting and there was dinner, so they brought over dinner, so nice).  The notes that arrive in the mail have been big lifts. 

I was told that I would want to cocoon and isolate during this healing period, physical and emotional, but I'm finding that I'm actually doing quite well with the sociality of visits.

I've been learning to rest, a hard lesson learned.  Last Friday I didn't take a nap, was up all day, cleaned out the sock drawer, R took me for a drive, which was good, but I had a back ache the whole time, even whole body achy that night, so I must have overdone.  Saturday I didn't feel so well, took two long naps, was emotional and blue, but by Sunday I was on the upswing again. 

Okay, this journey has been more emotional than I had anticipated.  The first time I got to take a shower (three days post surgery), I could not look at the works of medical hands--was glad to have my glasses off.  I cried, but R buoyed me up.  He had to climb in the shower to help.  I have to pin the drains to a lanyard around my neck, but we have the process down.  The second time I took a shower, I took a good look at the incision sites.  Just envision a deflated balloon with a suture line across the middle...that would be my breast, but at the same time am grateful that it is clean, no infection, and it's my road back to health.  I even could look at the tubes that exit my body...okay looked, but still had a little crying jag. 

Yesterday night I progressed to the point where I could take the shower by myself. 

Dr. Rasmussen has called since my previous post to say that the pathology was back and my case was presented at last week's tumor board.  Dr. R. told me that six tumors were removed from the breast (so again reassured me that there was no other alternative but a complete mastectomy), the largest 5 cm and the rest between 0.5 cm and 1.6 cm.  However, the good news is that only the sentinel node tested postive for cancer, so that's actually good news.  Dr. R. gave me the names of the oncologist that his office refers to, and I made my appointment, a week from this Friday.  Dr. R. also told me that the recommendation of the tumor board is full treatment, meaning chemo, radiation and hormonal. 

I'm yawning, so perhaps it's time for me to get ready for bed.  Last night was the first time that I didn't have a pain pill on board for the night (though weaned myself off pain pills during the day many days ago) or even the Xanax prescribed pre surgery, and so did not sleep as well.  I woke up with hot flashes several times, one so severe that I had to sit in front of the fan for a while, even walked into the kitchen and open the freezer door, plus I have a little insomnia going on, so I read until exhaustion takes me back to sleep, but now I've finished that book.