Taking Deep Breaths

Cancer, surgery, chemo--these words keep flying around in my mind and I can't turn them off.  Monday is the day that I go into surgery.  It's going to be a long day OF WAITING.  I arrive to the surgical tower at 9:30 and do whatever?? and then I am taken over to the Breast Care Center where I will meet with a radiologist for an injection into the breast that will assist the surgeon in locating my sentinel lymph node (don't want to explain, so go look it up).  I was previously told that I would receive this injection an hour prior to surgery, but the scheduler today told me that I'm not scheduled for surgery until 2 p.m. (hope that they're not running late--just want to get it done, but then again I'm not looking forward to surgery).  Okay, I'm chicken.  Needles totally freak me, even make me a little vasovagal. 

Big breaths.

Mom and dad are in town and so took mom for my appt. to meet with a lady affiliated with ACS (American Cancer Society).  There's a library in the Huntsman Cancer Society building located at IMC (Intermountain Medical Center), and this lady took me (had an appt.) to a consultation room where she measured my head (I'm a large) and 95% of the wigs available to me were in average or small, so I came home with a brown wig (brand new, still has the tag on it), but it's short hair.  I probably will never wear and will return it.  The lady was great, spent an hour showing me how to wear scarfs, hats...seems like I'll probably need to make my scarfs, as again I have a LARGE head and what is for sale most likely will not work.  I came home with a hat (the only one that would fit) and a head covering with a very cute band made by some volunteers.  Bless their hearts.  The head covering, black, is too small, but I can buy one from the ACS catalog to go with the cute band.  In fact, I'm thinking of buying a wig now that I know the size just for when I need to be in a picture (like Efrain's wedding in April?), plus am buying all sleeping caps, etc.  Big life changes.

Chemo brain must be already attacking because it did not dawn on me that I would also lose my eyebrows and eyelashes.  That made me really sad.  Big frown. 

Rafael is so supportive.  I'm blessed.

I just read Mary Nichols' blog and saw some of her videos.  She is a local news anchor who did a story on mammograms, had hers taped, and it turns out that a small cancer was located (she is a grade 1 and so had a lumpectomy).  Turns out that we have the same physician, maybe even the same oncologist?  (I don't know who my oncologist will be).  She just had her second round of chemo.  She's doing great, looks great.  She's a beautiful woman.  I'm feeling a little frumpy, okay a lot frumpy.  She looks beautiful even when she pulls off her wig.  She had the Neulasta shot and said that every bone in her body ached, that she couldn't sleep even 5 minutes, so ended up calling in sick that day, but other than that she is doing pretty good, some small amount of neuropathy, plus had some headaches when in loud places, like her son's basketball games. 

More big breaths.