Ciao to an Angel

My sweet friend, Nicla, passed away today and I'm so sad.  There was only one sister Italian during my mission and that was Sorella Covino.  We were never companions, but lived in the same apartment twice, in Pozzuoli and again in Rome.  She was a tiny thing, but I never remember her without a smile, truly the definition of kindness.  We started our mission at the same time, but she went straight to the mission field whereas I spent a couple months in Provo trying to learn God's language.  :)

At the conclusion of our mission, we traveled together to Switzerland, she to attend the temple just once before boarding a training for Southern Italy to be with her family in Lecce for Easter, and me to meet my parents before traveling Europe. 

We wrote each other occasionally, but I had such a thrill when she and her husband Kim came to my house for dinner two years ago this month.  We hugged and cried on the doorstep--it seemed like just yesterday when we had seen each other, not 30 years.  I always had a bit of guilt that I had not summoned the other missionaries to my house that evening to honor Nicla, but I just didn't have the full energy I needed, as I was still recovering from chemo.  Unfortunately, it was metastasis of her breast cancer which took her life.

 

I love you Nicla and look forward to seeing you again. 

A Quick Family Update

RAFAEL--just went to Hondorus, got back less than a week ago.  This time he went with a different medical group to do ortho surgery on adults.  He LOVED it.  The group stayed at an orphanage of 500 children from babies through teenagers run by the Catholic Church. 

ME--not much has changed.  I'm busy assisting my parents, particularly my mom with her cancer, and typing a bit each day, trying to pull an occasional weed and still enjoying prep'g meals for my family.

TONY--is not attending school this semester, even though G&G offered to cover his tuition.  He's working at Vivant in Utah County in the solar division as a designer, doing well and just got a promotion to lead designer, which includes a nice pay increase.

VICTOR--attending school at Dixie in St. George, loving it, having too much fun I think.

JARED--is serving a mission in the Barcelona Spain Mission, currently 10 days at his first site in Castellon de le Plana, a coastal city.  He likes his companion (thank you Lord) and it's just the two of them in a nice apartment, plus two sisters in the city of just over a half million.  His first day there they traveled two hours by train to district meeting in Valencia (so there are 10 missionaries total in the Valencia District).  He attended almost six weeks at the Madrid MTC and loved it, except didn't really hit it off with his companion, but every Saturday his district (and they would comp changes on Saturday) would travel three miles by subway to a park for two hours to mingle among the natives and practice speaking and sharing a message.  I love how they are immersed in the culture immediately, plus on P-day, Thursday, they would go on field trips to museums, city points of interest like the Real soccer stadium.

Well, that's enough for now.  I'll try to get back soon, fingers crossed.

I Got Lost Trying to Find My Way Back to This Site (Cancer is Back, but Not for Me)

I so am not a techie.  I couldn't find my blog for a while.  Nooo, seriously this blog was lost to me.  I could not remember my username...or anything else that would lead me back to this site.  Crazy. 

So, when Jared arrived at the Madrid MTC (almost two months now), he sent a quick I've arrived email.  I decided right then and there that I needed to get his blog up and running, which I did, but it was under a newer gmail account I have.  I felt the desire that day to go in and update my blog, but...refer back to the first paragraph.

And what brought me to that desire to update?

Well, that same day that Jared arrived in Madrid, an exhausted traveler of a 10-hour overnight flight from SLC to Paris with a 5-hour layover in Paris, then a couple-hour flight to Madrid, well my mom got back confirmation of her biopsy which confirmed what we suspected that she, too, has breast cancer.  Big sigh.

"I DON'T want to have surgery in Price."  So, I asked if I could make her an appt. up here to see a surgeon.  Since then I've made all of my mom's appointments, traveled with my parents (because I'm the chauffeur when they're up here--dad doesn't like to drive the freeways, and how could blame him) to all the appointments.

Dr. Rasmussen (my same surgeon, and I really like him), after reading my mom's pathology report and feeling her up suggested that she undergo a lumpectomy (as the lump was not that big) and the lymph nodes did not feel enlarged.

Post lumpectomy surgery, Dr. Rasmussen shows up in the waiting room, directs me and my dad to a consult room to deliver the news that two lymph nodes were removed and examined.  Both contained cancer.  He removed the remaining axillary nodes, five in total, and told us that they felt "yucky," in other words also infiltrated with cancer.

I had already previously made an appt. with Radiation Oncology for the first doctor we could get in to see.  We saw Dr. Cannon, and I like him, and so do my parents.  Turns out there's an Emery connection, as his wife is from Price, but her grandparents, aunts and uncles were/are from Ferron and my dad, of course, grew up with them. 

We returned for a followup with Dr. Rasmussen and to remove the drain from the node dissection.  All 7 lymph nodes were cancer filled.  He recommended a bone scan and Dr. Cannon upgraded it to a PET scan--looking for move from the primary site (the breast) to bone. 

The good news is that the PET scan showed no bone cancer.

The bad news is that the margins from the lumpectomy were not clear (and I read the pathology report and Dr. Rasmussen had taken a deep margin), so there were cancer cells still within the breast tissue. 

This last Monday mom underwent a completion mastectomy, went well.  Dr. Rasmussen removed probably 2 more lymph nodes (we'll see the results when pathology returns).

She has been recuperating at my house and went home yesterday, Thursday.  Mom and dad will return Monday for a Tuesday followup with surgeon to hopefully have 1 of the 2 drains removed.

Last week we saw the medical oncologist, Dr. Litton.  Again, I had asked for the first oncologist available, as there was a 3-week waiting period for new patients.  I REALLY LIKED DR. LITTON and wished he were my oncologist, not that Dr. Nibley is bad, but Dr. Litton spent over an hour with my parents and me educating us about mom's cancer in great detail, with legible handwriting (which was copied for us to take) on several pages.  Due to my mother's age, only fair health condition, pathology, etc., she would only have a 1:10 improvement with chemo.  Mom has elected to not undergo chemo, and I agree with her.  I personally do not think that she could tolerate chemo.  She will undergo radiation (kills fast-growing cells in a localized area, the breast and armpit) and then hormonal therapy that shuts down estrogen/progestin produced by the body). 

Interestingly, mom initially was the same pathology as me, a triple positive.

BUT then the pathology on mom's lumpectomy came back as show HER-2 neu negative.  What?  That's a discrepancy from the biopsy done in Price and sent to a lab in Arizona showing HER-2 neu positive.  The oncologist said that the pathology done outside IHC's system was a low-grade positive, so just barely positive.  The oncologist had the pathologist also check her lymph nodes, as that is where the cancer was most recently moving and would give the best indication and under two different protocol showed negative, so that's good news for mom.  Otherwise, she would have had to undergo a year's worth of Herceptin infusion (like I did) to fight any spread of cancer cells outside the primary breast area. 

Well, enough of cancer.  I hate that my mom has to go through this, but I'm grateful that they can stay with me here locally and that I can provide some assistance.  Yesterday, because mom's skin is so fragile and her dressings had been "glued" to her skin, it took me a good 30 minutes to slowly remove her dressings using baby oil to loosen the "glue."

-------------------------------

Ewww, yuck.

 

In both Africa and South America, large army ants are used as surgical sutures. The wound is pulled together, and the ant grabs the edges of the wound with its mandible. Then, the body is cut off from the head of the ant. The head stays attached to the wound as a suture until the wound is healed. This gives me the shivers but look how nice that stitch is.

 

Okay, just saw this on Pinterest under History and was a little freaked out.  However, I cannot discount Mother Nature.  SO THANKFUL that I do not live in some rural village.

 

Just recently I had my last surgery, an optional one, but one I nevertheless chose to have done before the end of the year while insurance would cover.  In short, my "reconstructed" breast is half the size of my good side due to heavy skin loss.  That plus Mother Nature means that my good side is much larger (not that I had that much initially) and hangs MUCH lower, so a trip to the ER under the fancy work of my plastic surgeon has helped to bring about more symmetry.  

 

I also had my port (for venous access, more commonly called a Port-a-Cath) removed at the same time.  Therefore, I feel done, finished, capito!!

 

Why did I have the port removed when previously I declared that I would keep it in until I reached my 5-year mark?  Well, a week before surgery I happened to be in the cancer center getting a routine port flush when it dawned on me, duh, that starting January 1 I would be financially responsible for port maintenance for over three years, not to mention the cost to get the port removed.  I came home and dug out the medical records, took one look at that port insertion cost and decided my pocket had not enough pennies to keep in my much beloved port...yes, you heard right.  I have come to truly love that port, so easy to gain venous access, no need to fish around the arm for a vein.

 

But alas, I had my port accessed one last time in the OR to get me out and then the IV was changed to my arm.  Two hours later (felt like two seconds), I awoke in postop and soon thereafter went home. 

 

A few days later I got to take my first shower and was shocked by the gruesome picture, lots of bruising not to mention the cut lines.  Had to take a few deep breaths.  Even though the lines were drawn on preop, it was still a bit of a shock to see the handiwork in the mirror, so many suture lines.  Even my nipple had been removed and then stitched back in at a higher location.  I also had tissue removed, in other words a reduction.

 

have to admit that I do feel more balanced now.

 

When I returned the day before Thanksgiving to get my drain removed, I asked the surgeon how many stitches (thinking perhaps 50) and his answer was "a good hundred." 

It's Definitely Spring

After many months of no posts (where does the time fly?), it's time to get the fingers flying again, and I definitely need to write about all facets of my life, not just the big C.

So, I'm loving this time of year, the cool temperatures (not really a fan of hot summer months).  The birds are singing and the tulips and daffodils are long gone.  The grass is getting dry, and so sprinklers have been turned on this week. 

Tony is back to work as of a couple weeks ago.  There was a big, really BIG, earthen slide at Kennecott last month, which shut the mine down for a couple weeks.  Once MSHA gave the okay, DMC began inspections to verify operability.  Tony was called back, much to his relief, well to everyone's relief (I think he enjoyed about the first three days off and then realized how boring life is w/o a job, not to mention the money).  Fortunately, DMC is back to work, but cannot say the same for Kennecott workers, who are being laid off, as production is expected to be about 50%.  I have kept some paper clippings and if I actually get ambitious might put them into some type of scrapbook page for Tony. 

Victor is doing great, is very happy, just got transferred back to Bloomington, where he spent his first six months.  He loved it there and was thrilled (his excitement was jumping out of his email) to be back.  He is with his MTC companion for six weeks (which is dragging him down a bit, as evidently this elder is not shall we say as motivated to work), and then will receive one of two incoming elders (but 16 incoming sisters, yeah!!) to train for the remaining 12 weeks of his mission.  This will be his third time training. 

Jared is closing out his school year, is working hard, has an AP test upcoming that is stressing him a bit.  He has enjoyed going to two school dances in the last couple months, girls' choice and Prom, both with lovely girls.  He was just called this past Sunday to be the first assistant in the Priests Quorum, so that will keep him busy.  The quorum is huge, which gives me great delight.  It has been fun to watch this age group reach this point. 

Rafael has been working all the hours that he can when the opportunity arises, as TOSH got a 5% across-the-board pay cut this year, that in addition to no raise in like forever...ugh.  His good friend, Kerry, passed away unexpectedly.  It made him really sad.  I could see how deeply affected he was.  We attended Kerry's celebration of life last Friday.  It was held in an outdoor setting in the beautiful Heber valley, was very party like with live music, food, booze, open mike. 

Me?  Well, work has been very slow.  My account, Illinois Bone and Joint, that I've worked for the last couple years, and have LOVED, went to India a couple months ago.  Yes, again another account off shore.  After a bit, I started with a new account, Pioneer Health Systems (same company, Keystrokes out of Chicago) based in Mississippi.  These are rural offices, and quite honestly I don't like the platform, ChartNet, where we do straight type for a month or so and then the computer switches to editing of voice recognition (which means I spend almost as much time editing as if I were typing, for half the line rate).  We started with two of the seven facilities, have increased to three, with the full load by mid July.  Quite honestly, I'm sure that the lines have even gone down since the third location came online. 

My previous supervisor emailed that a new behavioral account was opening, but only with two doctors at first (wanting to test the water) and asked if anyone was interested.  I definitely was.  Turns out 30 of us responded, but she could only take two to start.  I did not make the cut, unfortunately.  Hope that something soon opens up, as I am hardly making enough in a pay period to fill a tank of gas or two.  Ugh. 

I am pretty much where I was a couple months ago regarding my health.  I still have the neuropathy in my feet, and at this point I wonder if I will not have it permanently.  Ugh.  I am not sleeping well, so I seem to always be tired.  The little white pill I take daily (the hormone suppressant) has side effects of insomnia and anxiety (which have definitely hit me) in addition to the joint stiffness, not to mention the hot flashes throughout the night because of the hormone suppression.  I have tried so many options to help me sleep.  I went the route of valerian (an herb to supposedly help sleeping problems).  I used the tincture and it smelled and tasted awful!!!  But I kept it up for a couple weeks, but quite honestly didn't see much effect.  I tried ZZZQuil, and it helped some, but not enough, so switched over to NyQuil.  It definitely helps, but after a couple weeks of using it nightly, decided that I needed to not depend on it, so stopped using it, hence more restless nights.

I decided the other night that I could go w/o the nightly half of a Norco.  I made myself some passion fruit tea (another natural remedy to supposedly help w/sleep...we were in Cali and Tia Mary grows it in her yard so I brought home a stash of leaves to dry).  The tea is palpable with lots of honey.  Can't say that it helped that much with helping me to get to sleep or stay asleep (I've used it now a couple nights, a full tablespoon of crushed leaves, per the internet), but it does seem to help with the anxiety.  Anyway, I finally got up at 11 p.m. and took half of a Norco, as my feet were fiercely burning with sharp little pricks of instant pain in the toes.  It takes usually an hour for the Norco to calm my body sufficiently to allow me to sleep.  I hate being on this medication, but it is the only thing that is working w/my chemo-induced neuropathy.  I am usually the first one to go to bed, but generally the last to actually go to sleep.  I sleep poorly and am frequently very tired during the day. 

I was planning to attend RS meeting the other night (a humanitarian project of making lunches for the homeless shelter) and was going to take my nonmember neighbor, but was soooo tired that I had to back out.  I frequently am tired at night and find myself passing up any signups that obligate me, as I never know if I will have the energy.

I was so tired the other morning that when Jared came to me for a ride, I was still in bed and told him to take the car (didn't even get up and fix him a lunch).  Yesterday morning I did take him to school and drove to Daybreak and walked.  I feel that if I walk each day, that exercise will contribute to better sleep.  I forced myself to walk this morning, but body wasn't cooperative...walked slowly and only did half the circuit. 

Well, I finished a bit ago my four-hour shift, but there was not one report to type.  Ugh.

I did spend some time, though, making some little flash cards for my Italian self-study course. 

I made my mom a homemade card this morning and got that plus some really good chocolate from the Chocolate Factory in the mail to her.  She and my dad were here over the weekend (just got back from Arizona and she had a doctor's appt. Monday).  It was good to see them, plus Nathan and family came for Sunday dinner. 

Nathan just got back from a deployment in Korea.  He had a seizure on the plane, but right now is doing okay.  However, he is on seizure restrictions, which means that he cannot drive, etc.  At the end of the month he should have more info regarding his condition.  It is possible that he may be ousted from the military because of this seizure. 

Well, I am going to head into the kitchen and boil some eggs.  I plan on having a salad bar for dinner, plus there's some homemade chicken soup to supplement my is-that-all-we're-eating-for-dinner? guys. 

Happy Birthday to Me

It's my 1-year-old birthday, or celebration of one year of being cancer free.  I'm tired and don't feel like writing any more, but suffice it to say that I have a smile on my face. 

January is in the Rearview Mirror

Sitting at my desk clearing off papers, updating Victor's missionary blog and I see that I last made a post a month ago.

So, an update on my walk w/cancer.  Well, I've been realizing some one-year anniversaries of when I found the lump, when I first heard the word "cancer" from a radiologist...and tomorrow, Valentine's Day, when Rafael and I went to meet with my surgeon.

He's a great doctor and I do not fault him in any way, but he was the one who broke the news to me that I would be getting the "full treatment."  Ah, that hated word of chemo. 

Needless to say, that Valentine's Day was not one of the best.  We had the last appt. of the day.  R wanted to use one of his Christmas gift cards to Red Rocks close to the hospital...after all it was the Day of Love and we should eat out, right??  Well, my soul was deflated, but I put on a smile and tried my best. 

I had so many words floating through my brain as we sat and I looked at the surroundings...words like cancer, chemo, radiation, cancer, cancer, surgery, cancer, chemo, surgery, chemo, chemo, surgery, chemo, chemo....

I was fighting the tears.  I remember Rafael saying something like hang on, be tough, you can do this....  I felt more like he would be embarrassed if I fell apart there in a public setting.  I know that he cares about me, truly I do, but I wish he would have left money on table, walked me out and let me have the cry that I so desperately was fighting back. 

Men and women handle crises very differently.  Men are like buck up.  Women are like let it go.

So many nights in the quiet of the night I allow myself those tears.

So glad that the ugly month of January has passed, the month where the sun rarely shone due to the imfamous "inversion."  Per the record book, this past January was the worst for not seeing the sun in 16 years (three weeks of grayness), the snowiest month in over a decade (that's good 'cause we could always use the water), the coldest when calculating the average day temperature in nearly 60 years.  Wow, what a month.

I celebrated another birthday in January, woke up and truly felt joy that I was celebrating being around rather than, geeze another birthday, yeah (major sarcasm).  No, truly I felt joy, gladness to be around.

I struggled with depression during January, kept so much of it inside....

I think the grayness of the month didn't help.

I am very depressed about the reconstructed breast.  What was I thinking, that I would have a breast that looked and felt like my good breast?  Didn't happen.  On the last followup with the plastic surgeon, well actually the PA this time, I'm told that when I decide to do surgery on the good breast to help with the symmetry problem I have--one small firm breast, albeit distorted in shape, and one naturally droopy breast--that I can have the good breast reduced to better match the size.  Yup, just what I want to do is decrease my not-so-large-to-begin breast...dang.

Saw a podiatrist about the big toe destruction from the chemo.  I was prep'd to have her remove the remaining toenails so that they could grow back, but it looks like I will be having them removed permanently.  That pretty much takes away the fun of wearing flip-flops when you don't have a toe nail to paint...dang.

I had bronchitis for two weeks during January, so had to cancel my appt. to get my gray manly butch colored, so still living with the ugly gray...dang.

The joint soreness from the hormonal suppression, that stupid tiny white pill I take every morning, was horrible during January, the worst since initiation, perhaps because of the illness virus in my body?  My knees hurt, my hips hurt, my shoulders hurt, my fingers were stiff and hurt, my pelvic bones hurt, every joint hurt to the point where I thought I may have to consider stopping the pill if it got any worse...how can I tolerate this every day kind of hurt.  I felt like I was a 95-year-old woman.  I could hardly get up from a chair, especially if I sat for a while.  I was sooo stiff, needed a step or two to work out the stiffness.  Dang.

Getting over the cold seemed to ease up the joint pain quite a bit.  The soreness is now to a tolerable level.  Oncologist reminded last week that this, too, will go away, just give it a couple years. 

Oh yes, can't forget to mention that my Illinois Bone & Joint Institute account based out of Chicago, the account that I've had for the past couple years, the account that I really like, that account that allows me to work as I chose as long as I turn the reports in time, the account has good dictators, at least the docs in my queue (big account, lots of transcriptionists), that has worked really well for me, well it, too, is going overseas to India at the end of March...dang!!!!!!!

Good bye and good riddance January.